Hello there,

Just my observation regarding personal boundaries ... what do you think?:

If you're a mother, you know that children need boundaries. They feel safe inside boundaries. Even though they complain and throw a tantrum about it, they feel better for knowing that there are some lines they can't cross.

But although every mother would agree that children need consistently enforced boundaries,things get a bit more complicated between adults.We understand and accept the necessity of professional boundaries, but when it comes to our
personal life, we feel that we don't have a right to impose boundaries on our friends, family, and lovers.

One of my best friends thinks that she doesn't need to set boundaries. She is pretty easy-going, and she makes up her mind whether something was okay with her as and when it happens. "Whatever feels right at the time" was her motto.

But she is finding it hard to find a
serious relationship. "Guys are all after sex," she thinks. "It's like it's a game to them. Once I give it up, they're no longer interested."

Could my friend's casual attitude towards
boundaries be contributing to her relationship challenges?


WE ALL NEED BOUNDARIES

My heart really goes out to my best friend and other women. All they
want is a loving relationship. But how much humiliation and suffering are they willing to go through before they understand that they deserve
better?

We ALL need personal boundaries that define how we expect to be treated. I use the following as a sort of meditation mantra he he:-) :

"I will not be treated with disrespect."
"I will not be yelled at."
"I will not accept abusive behavior."
"I will not be made to feel small."

Think of these boundaries like low walls.
Anyone willing to lift a leg will walk over them with barely a bump in their stride, but anyone who doesn't think they should make the extra effort will be stopped in their tracks.

Setting personal boundaries is a matter of self-respect. You deserve to be treated
appropriately. Some things are obvious: verbal abuse, filthy language, physical violence, lies or threats are not appropriate ways to treat another person. But some things are not so obvious.

Do you think it's okay for your boyfriend to criticise what you wear or how you look? Do you think it's okay for your boyfriend to make fun of you? Do you think it's okay for your boyfriend to
argue with you in public? Do you think it's okay for your boyfriend to walk out during an argument?

Our sense of personal boundaries begins to be formed when we are small children. We learn from our parents what behaviors are appropriate or not.
If our parents hit one another or made fun of one another, then we took those behaviours for granted.
If our parents screamed at one another and hit one another, then told us not to worry because they still loved one another, then we may assume that violence and love are compatible.

But those early memories aren't set in stone. As an adult, you can choose to be treated with greater respect than how your parents treated one another.

A friend of mine told me that one of her
most empowering moments was when she realised that she didn't have to take inappropriate, sleazy comments from men anymore. If a man said something to her that crossed the boundary into
bad taste, then she let him know it and walked away.

"We have to stand up for ourselves," she told me. "Otherwise guys are going to think it's okay to make smutty comments to women. I feel like I'm doing this for every other woman out there that this guy is going to meet. Maybe he'll learn his
lesson from me."


Consequently how we allow others to treat us reflects our beliefs about ourselves. If we don't feel that we're worth being treated as someone special, then
we won't expect it from others.

Lots of love and affection,
All the best of success in life and love,
Jackie

I think that there s no an integrated personality without personal and social boundaries,but these boundaries must be flexible.

I think there s no an integrated personality without personal and social boundaries,but they must be flexible

Yeah these boundaries must be flexible....but to a certain point. Sometimes it is very healthy to set up boundaries or else values, principles, etc can be lost...

hi,,be suere of that Jackie,,iam totaly agree what u said,,some of principles can be lost and confuse too,it depends the human be u are talking about personality..

=== Original Message ===
Yeah these boundaries must be flexible....but to a certain point. Sometimes it is very healthy to set up boundaries or else values, principles, etc can be lost...